TheLostNews Profile

Join Date:
2008-09-09

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A slanted and satirical look at mainly American politics and culture.

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Other Tags: satire, lost, news, politics, parody

Latest Blog Posts

  • 20 Years Later, Jack Walsh’s Diner Is Very Popular With The Chicago Police Department
    on May 22, 2012
    (Chicago, IL) 20 years ago former bounty hunter Jack Walsh was very unpopular with the Chicago police department. Today however Jack and his diner, Jack’s, are very popular with not only the Chicago police department but also the entire Windy City.
  • GOP Unveils Plan To Combat Global Warming: Swimming Lessons
    on Feb 5, 2012
    (Washington D.C.) Most people think global warming is one big problem. But how do we fix it? Today, the Grand Old Party gave their answer.“It’s not just our answer. It’s the answer!” exclaimed the goggle clad House Minority Wh...
  • Fat Kid Eats Bully
    on Jan 7, 2012
    (Houston, TX) Everyone faces a bully at some point in their life. For a portly 8th grader named Teddy Parker, his bully came in the form of 9th grader Ace Lawrence. Parker (who claims to be big-boned) spent two years being tormented by Lawrence. E...
  • Sarah Palin Signs TV Contract With Fox News, But Promises To Quit Halfway Through
    on Jan 13, 2010
    This file is licensed under the Creative Commons Attribution 2.0 Generic license.(New York, NY) This week conservative megastar Sarah Palin signed a multi-year deal to appear on Fox News as a political consultant. Soon  after, the Joe and Jane S...
  • Afghan People, If Americans Don’t Want A Public Option, We’ll Take It
    on Sep 29, 2009
    (Afghanistan & Washington D.C.) President Obama and his advisors are considering sending more troops into Afghanistan. However, the Afghan people have a message for them. Keep your troops. Send us the public option.“We’re not kidding,...
  • Afghan People Say If Americans Don’t Want The Public Option...They’ll Take It
    on Sep 29, 2009
    (Afghanistan & Washington D.C.) President Obama and his advisors are considering sending more troops into Afghanistan. However, the Afghan people have a message for them. Keep your troops. Send us the public option.“We’re not kidding,...
  • Obama Comes Clean On Healthcare “We Don’t Want To Kill Grandma, We Want To Date Grandma”
    on Sep 8, 2009
    (Washington D.C.) Yesterday, in advance of President Obama’s health care address to a joint session of Congress, the White House released the text of his speech. One paragraph involving the controversial death panels has caught the attention of...
  • Gone Fishing
    on Aug 6, 2009
    Hey folks, Just announcing that like Congress and (the Birthers grasp of reality), I am taking a break...I will be back after Labor Day with more tasteful and kid-friendly stories. See you in September, Chris...
  • GOP Plans To Fix Obesity And Healthcare With "The 20 Ounce Pound"
    on Jul 28, 2009
    (Washington D.C.) For months we have been hearing that obesity along with a broken healthcare system are major threats to America’s economic survival. After months of saying NO to all of President Obama’s proposed solutions, today, the GO...
  • Man Booted From Facebook For Giving TLI (Too Little Information)
    on Jul 14, 2009
    (New York, NY) Last Sunday at 4:13 PM Jim Decker updated his Facebook status…Just walked past pizza place…Just ten minutes later at 4:23, that same afternoon, Decker’s Facebook account was cancelled. Why?“Mr. Decker was boo...
  • Local Singer Offers To Pick Up The Mantle Of King Of Pop
    on Jun 26, 2009
    (Portland, OR) On June 25th, 2009 Michael Jackson passed on leaving this world without a King of Pop. Music critics, producers and performers don’t think anyone will ever be able to replace Jackson, and therefore the Throne of Pop will remain v...
  • White Guy Volunteers To Sit In Back Of Bus
    on Jun 17, 2009
    (St. Louis, MO) Barack Obama helped ease centuries of built up racial tensions in the United States, when he was elected to the White House in 2008. In 2009, Brian Pale also helped ease racial tensions, when he voluntarily sat in the back of a bus.La...
  • GOP Unveils Plan To Combat Global Warming: Swimming Lessons
    on Jun 10, 2009
    (Washington D.C.) Most people think global warming is one big problem. But how do we fix it? Today, the Grand Old Party gave their answer.“It’s not just our answer. It’s the answer!” exclaimed the goggle clad House Minority Wh...
  • Tagged
    on Jun 7, 2009
    A few days ago I was "tagged” by Frumpzilla from The Frump Gazette. I have to admit, it was not an unpleasant experiece. In full disclosure, I must say that this type of "tagging" is different from the childhood game and the adult game. (usuall...
  • Cyclist With Two Testicles Says He Can Win 14 Tour de France Championships
    on Jun 2, 2009
    (Tampa, FL) Professional cyclist Greg Dorvman, 23, is about to compete in his first Tour de France, and he has a message for Lance Armstrong. “Stay home…Retire, again…Do not ride in this year’s Tour de France. Your one testi...
  • A Message From The Vice President - What Did You Expect The GOP To Say About Sotomayor, Marry My Daughter?
    on May 29, 2009
    Hello my fellow Americans, Joe Biden here. Ever since that cool cat President Obama nominated Judge Sonia Sotomayor for the Supreme Court, I have gotten a zillion phone calls from you saying that you are outraged, OUTRAGED, that the GOP and their med...
  • Man Proves Gay Marriage Kills Opposite Marriage By Getting Gay Married
    on May 26, 2009
    (Des Moines, IA) “Gay marriage is wrong…It’s an abomination that was sent here by Satan to destroy opposite marriage and our whole opposite way of life.” Every Sunday, that’s the message Pastor John Jenkins would drive...
  • Wacky Serial Killer Wants To Kill You With Kindness
    on May 21, 2009
    (Los Angeles, CA) Most people know the names Ted Bundy, John Wayne Gacy and Jeffrey Dahmer. They are arguably the notorious serial killers in American history. But do people know the name Johnny Lewis? “They will gorgeous, because I’m the...
  • Pelosi Finally Comes Clean, “Torture, Iraq, Steroids In Baseball…All My Ideas”
    on May 19, 2009
    (Washington DC) Today the embattled Speaker of the House, Nancy Pelosi, came clean about what she knew about the torturing of Al Qaeda detainees, and when she knew it. “I want to tell the Republicans and the rest of the American people, that yo...
  • Obama To Block Abuse Photos Because They’re Out Of Focus
    on May 14, 2009
    (Washington DC) When President Barack Obama took office he said that his administration would be transparent about everything including torture. But yesterday the president and his administration became down right translucent when he said that he wou...
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