Big Head, Small Brain
on Nov 15, 2009 in Idiocy Neuroses It's been a constant fear of mine for many years now that I'm actually a total idiot.It has even been confirmed to me by others on quite a few occasions. Whether it's been dressed up as retard, tool, doofus, spazz or just plan idiot, I'm no stranger...

Aggressive-Passive
on Nov 3, 2009 in Haircut Neuroses Gym Most people in my life would probably not describe me as a particularly placid person. There are some days when it seems as if I'm raging against an imaginary machine. For example, last night I told the television to fuck off when it suddenly got too...

Halle Berry Saved My Life
on Oct 2, 2009So, I actually got some paid work writing for The Guardian. For shizz.My first piece went live today (and the commenters are already calling me a racist).You can take a look HERE...

The Worst Film We May Never See
on Sep 21, 2009 in Frankie and Alice Film Halle Berry Every once in a while, you happen upon the development of a film which begs one major, unshakeable question: why?Why did anyone ever come up with this idea? Why did anyone then green-light this? Why did any self-respecting actor decide to say yes? No...

Why Do I Have a Blog Again?
on Sep 17, 2009 in Nothing I've been getting extremely lazy with this damn blog. My problem is that I take it a bit too seriously. I think that every post I write should be of some substance. Okay so I realise that I have previously written about my iPod and how much I hate ev...

Get a Room (Preferably In a Burning Building)
on Jul 26, 2009 in PDAs Hate Last night, on the bus home from town, I happened to sit behind a couple who were in love. How did I know this? Well, they were so in love that they wanted to let me and anyone with clear vision know about it. This meant that the journey was poisoned...

Puppy Love Lockdown
on Jul 19, 2009 in High School Dating Childhood When I was 6, I got married to a girl named Molly. The ceremony took place in the playground, next to the woods where, years later, kiss chase would become the more obvious way to spend the lunch-hour. Sadly, it was never meant to be. Around the same...

Anatomy of a Trailer: Couples Retreat
on Jul 12, 2009 in Couples Retreat Film Anatomy of a Trailer Vince Vaughn 1. If I have to watch another movie where Vince Vaughn confuses loud rambling for being funny, I'm going to drown every single person named Vince in the entire world just to prove a point. Four Christmasses wounded me. Deep.2. How fat is Jon Favreau?

Look, Watch! I'm Mourning!
on Jun 27, 2009 in Death Michael Jackson Celebrity This week saw the death of Michael Jackson and with it, one of the ugliest forms of participation sports began to rear its malformed head: public grieving.It's always struck me as a bizarre practice. When a celebrity dies, one with a mass appeal, ord...

Being Picked First at Sports
on May 10, 2009 in Sports Neuroses Gym With the major highlights of my sporting life being the 'darts/dance' confusion and the time I won the silver medal for fast-walking at the age of 12, my expectations remain low for any future opportunities of redemption.But this weekend, I set in mo...