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The idea for this blog is to make as much fun of my wife and children as possible without them getting too pissed. And, of course, to capture some of the funniest moments in our family's history.

Owner: thejohnsonszoo

Listed in: Humor

Language: English

Tags: Family, kids, funny, hilarious, stories

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Latest Blog Posts for The Johnson's Zoo

  • So, how was your day, Butter Buns?
    on May 17, 2016 in The Toilet Roll
    'So, how was your day, Butter Buns?''Well, I thought since it's the first day of the school break that I could sleep in, but NOOO. I had to leave at 8:30 this morning to take Tommy to training at 9:00 for THREE hours! And, by the way, that's the same...
  • Smart, hypothetically
    on Apr 29, 2016 in Mama
    So, I have this hypothetical friend - let's just call him Angelo. He used to take part in testosterone testing for medical research, so he's got enough hair on his chest to choke a Persian cat and he's been known on multiple occasions to make Chuck N...
  • Don't forget your rain paints!
    on Apr 16, 2016 in David Papa
    Last summer, I was volunteered to help organize our department outing. I knew from previous experiences that this pretty much meant that I would be donating my sweat and tears for weeks without anything more than a 'Thanks - you did such a great job,...
  • Don't forget your rain pants!
    on Apr 16, 2016 in David Papa
    Last summer, I was volunteered to help organize our department outing. I knew from previous experiences that this pretty much meant that I would be donating my sweat and tears for weeks without anything more than a 'Thanks - you did such a great job,...
  • Nailed it!
    on Dec 17, 2015
    As I was putting the kids to bed tonight, Peter cornered me. 'Papa, you need to write more blogs. You used to write stories when we just went to the playground and threw mud at each other and now we went on a road trip to so many countries and y...
  • Oops Upside Your Head
    on Dec 9, 2015 in The Toilet Roll
    Getting the kids to bed is always a drama. Tonight, Tommy was the queen.Tommy entered stage right by ripping out four pairs of pajamas until he had found his perfect sleeping costume. Then, instead of folding the other three in a mother-approved fash...
  • Tree Climbing with a Yank
    on Oct 24, 2015 in Barbara David Leif Mama Papa Peter Tom
    Today's feature film opens with a parking lot scene, where Barb and Leif have just met The Johnson's Zoo for a tree-top climbing adventure.TAKE 1:Barb opens the trunk of their car and begins changing her shoes, prompting her overly emotional sister t...
  • Blown Away!
    on Oct 11, 2015 in Alessio Ben David Götz Lisi Luca Mama Paul Sami Yuki
     You should know by now that the zookeepers at the Johnson's Zoo are absolute crap at keeping time. If not, I can probably drive home that confession by explaining that today we celebrated David's birthday. Which was in May. It is now October. Y...
  • Live from Berlin
    on Jun 9, 2015 in David Kay Mama Papa Peter Tom
    When it came to planning our family vacation this year, Angie and I agreed to keep it cheap. Unless you take reality into consideration, this agreement had nothing to do with Angie's nagging desire to build a ceiling-high bookshelf in the living r...
  • Simba's new sofa
    on Feb 3, 2015 in Mama Peter Simba
    Angie only thought that her new sofa was being delivered today. Unfortunately, she was oblivious of the well-known fact that the only way to rightfully claim anything delivered to our house is, of course, to lay down on top of it and take a nap. Duh.
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