Kittys Limerance Blog Posts

  • An Interesting Lifestyle Choice
    on Jun 10, 2014 in Back to work Maternity Leave Work
    I have made an “interesting lifestyle choice” apparently.I’m not entirely sure what this means, but people keep saying it to me, regardless. It sounds like I’ve decided to move to the outback and dress only in the discarded shells of ci...
  • Shake ItSomething has happened to my cocktail shaker. It's 1:47 in the morning and its been taken off the shelf for the first time in months. Also, someone has just thrown up on me and my sink is lined with empty bottles. Ask most people in their mid 20...
  • I Hate Being Pregnant
    on Feb 13, 2013 in Pregnancy
    I hate being pregnant. There. I said it. I know a lot of women who luuuuuurve being pregnant and you know what? Fuck them. It’s awful. I know I’ve broken the cardinal rule of human baking: Thou shalt be happy about your stretchy uncomfortable ute...
  • The Great Perhaps
    on Oct 26, 2012 in I hate my job The Great Perhaps Fear
    Adventures can start with a spontaneous bang, or with a tiny kernel of quiet resolve, like ice in your heart.Embarking on something new is always terrifying. If you’re not terrified, you’ve not grasped the situation properly. People have told me...
  • If my calculations are correct, when this baby hits 88 miles per hour... you're gonna see some serious shit.
    on Sep 17, 2012 in Back to the future Driving Sydney
    I jumped into my DeLorean on Friday night and commenced my epic drive to Sydney. About 6 hours in, I realised that I’m too old for this shit. 26 is too old to be working all day, and then driving all night. I used to be able to get by on no sleep a...
  • I hate you, don't leave me.I was diagnosed with bipolar affective disorder and borderline personality disorder when I was a teenager. I must have been about 16 or so when it all happened. I have always understood that it is an illness and it's not something that I caused or wa...
  • As Triple J says: Watch out! Bad words! Now!
    on May 25, 2012
    “Swearing, they say, is a human universal. Every language, dialect or patois ever studied, living or dead, spoken by millions or by a small tribe has a certain group of words that are considered swearing.”Swearing is like all language – fluid.
  • "It's not a car Kit. It's a 2 tonne killing machine, and you're driving it, so help us all."
    on Mar 14, 2012
    I've never really been one for self transportation. I never learned to ride a push bike, a scooter, a skate board or a motor bike and I consistently fell over on my roller-blades, so I gave up. It took me until I was older than should be spoken...
  • Happy Valentine's Day - Does this rag smell like chloroform to you?
    on Feb 14, 2012
    I know I’ve spoken about it before, and I don’t doubt that at some point I will speak about it again, but please, for the love of God, put down your fucking iPhone. Yesterday was Valentine’s Day and whether you’re on the “Snuggly-bear I wuv...
  • Too lazy to finish a sente....
    on Feb 6, 2012
    One of the dangers of being a slovenly creature, like myself, is that when home alone one night and cooking dinner for yourself without witnesses you are liable to make mistakes. Take for instance, this evening. Husband is at dance and I am home by m...
  • It's my hut. Get out.
    on Jan 11, 2012
    I just ate an entire bay leaf. Without chewing it. I can feel it lodged in my throat. I didn’t do this on a dare or anything; I was just stuffing ross fil forn into my mouth at my desk on rapid speed and missed that it was in there. I’m a bit all...
  • A fake surprise wedding.
    on Dec 7, 2011
    I have a beautiful accomplice. She is my partner in crime, the Robin to my Batman. I am the Kato to her Green Hornet. She is my aider and abettor, my co-conspirator, my support and the little voice that whispers mischief and “More beer!” in my ea...
  • Friends. No, not the TV show.
    on Dec 5, 2011
    Friends are strange things. I have a few of them. They’re spread all over the place; I collect a handful from every place I go. Some from school, some from work, and some from holidays I’ve been on or restaurants I’ve visited. Some come as a pa...
  • It's like fucking Woodstock up in here.
    on Oct 26, 2011
    “Heeeey maaan! Wanna have a jaaaaaaaaaam sesh?”Oh, Stoner Kid from Next Door, that’s lovely of you but, no. It’s 11 o’clock on a Sunday night. I would very much like it if you got the hell off my front step. Stoner Kid has appeared on our d...
  • Sexual Chocolate
    on Oct 7, 2011
    Spray tans are fucking retarded. This is not the first time I’ve said this. Anyone who had anything to do with my wedding will know that I hate spray tans. I tried to install someone with a squirt gun of tan remover at every entrance to politely mi...
  • My heart is made of puppies.
    on Oct 5, 2011
    I have dogs. A small boy dog came into my life in August of last year. He’s a snorting, snoring, snuffling little flat face. I mean, the poor guy looks like he’s struggling to live. He could never survive in the wild. He has dainty little ca...
  • Kitty Limerance is at None Of Your Business with No One Of Your Concern.
    on Sep 27, 2011
    The noise of people determined to have a good time is almost deafening. I'm waiting for dinner at eleven o'clock on a Friday night, which, I'll grant you is late for dinner, but I'm a very busy person. Far too busy to have dinner at a reasonable hour...
  • Jeans
    on Sep 11, 2011
    Don’t talk to me about jeans. I cannot find jeans that fit all of me. I can find ones that fit around the waist, but are so baggy around my bum and legs, it sort of looks like I’m wearing pilchers with windsocks attached... Even the skinny leg je...
  • Bad Hair Day
    on Aug 31, 2011
    CLICK ME TO MAKE ME NORMAL SIZED!
  • Waiting for Spiderman.
    on Aug 29, 2011
    I am scared of spiders setting up home in my nostrils while I sleep, which is why I have been sleeping on a futon mattress on the floor in the non-Bat Cave bedroom for about 2 weeks now.Part of our ceiling has decided to make a run for it this last m...
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